Ken noticed the details of Vivian's hair before I did. Her hair looked an obvious jet-black color to me. Yet upon closer examination, I too began to see individual strands of beautiful, natural copper highlights althroughout Vivian's hair. Vivian seemed to radiate an extra special warmth and beauty when the sunshine reflected her copper highlights. I was so excited to point this unique feature out to her when she got older.
It has me thinking about the gospels of Matthew10:30 and Luke 12:7 where it says the very hairs of our head are numbered. I know I love every hair on Vivian's head. I love her from head to toe, inside and out with all my heart and soul. I can sit here in awe to realize and appreciate that God loves Vivian even more than I do. After all, I am a finite and mortal person.
But, it is challenging to deeply acknowledge God's love for me too. It's amazing to be loved right down to each hair on my head. I am thankful for His unconditional love because right now I'm not so interesting...just a study in the mess of my grief. You know, where you can do a few things in periods of numbness and then you sit when your hands and feet turn into concrete blocks.
I learned a couple years ago that my faith is a gift from God. I am thankful each day for that gift because I tried for a long time to achieve faith, and it wasn't possible (but it was tiring). Faith gets me up each morning and pulls my mind back out of the dark corners of "perfect hindsight." Faith is drawing my heart and eyes and ears upward to listen, to be thankful, to live in the light and to walk through my grief.