Saturday, November 5, 2011

$11.47 of Grace

People have said, "Be kind to yourself.  Give yourself grace."

So I'm standing in a toy aisle filled with dolls. For the second time in two days I'm looking at this doll.  It's just a little doll that comes with a doll-size sippy cup, a milk bottle and a pink teddy bear.  I'm remembering the Thursday morning before Vivian died, she saw this same doll at our speech therapy appointment at the school.  The therapist demonstrated symbolic play with the doll having a "drink" from her sippy cup. 

I specifically recall Vivian's eyes sort of light up as she took notice of that activity.  I could just see little wheels turning in her mind considering she too drank out of a sippy cup.  With that spark of curiosity, I was excited to find that doll and buy it for Vivian.  What I was really excited about was that Vivian might be transitioning into symbolic play from her cause/effect play.  This would be a huge milestone in my book.  How thrilling it would be to see Vivian imitate this play like a toddler would do!

As I stood in the store debating myself, it wasn't logical, and I couldn't really justify it, and quite frankly I felt a little silly.  But, I couldn't put the doll back on the shelf.  So, I paid the $11.47 for the doll and her accessories, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

The pink teddy bear is small enough that I think I will add it to a floral arrangement for our grave marker vase in the springtime for our sweet girl.

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