You know what else I have been thinking? Our laundry has dwindled to a measly few loads every several days. Vivian did create lots of laundry! And all the pinks and lighter colors were a wonderful complement to our rough-n-tumble dark boy colors. I used to smile in amusement as the dirty clothing pile was turning into a minor mountain.
We've gone out to eat, and I hate that we fit "so nicely" into a restaurant booth.
I opened the silverware drawer, and we had all spoons and were low on forks. Tears to my eyes because we always fed Vivian with a spoon and were always out of them. Same with my small bowls in the cabinet.
Our diaper days ended with such abruptness that I don't even know what to think.
The house is too quiet without all the musical toys that Vivian loved to play with constantly. She would actually punch on a musical toy and play with her non-musical wooden beads. It was hilarious--she was a smart little cookie. I won't admit to how many 40-packs of AA's I've bought at Sam's.
Seeing Vivian's baby swing on our swingset floating around in the several windy days we've had lately about drove me to insanity, and I had to take it down. She loved to swing and we did that often, sometimes even as a distraction if she was upset. Most of the time she loved to swing for fun.
Here's one Ken and I both hate...it doesn't matter whether we take the car or the van now. We fit in either, and we tend to take the car. Gosh, we were even starting to contemplate a vehicle to seat more children as we were hoping to add to our family next year.
Our kitchen table feels empty, Vivian's bedroom is empty, our wood floor is empty of her books and toys, our arms are empty...ugh.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:4-5
My sweet Keri,
ReplyDeleteTears well up as I read your posts. I can't believe it's already been a month. I wish I could be there to listen and hug you. I know you will never forget your sweet Vivian, but I pray God allows it to be a little bit easier each day to go on without her by your side. Please keep posting your thoughts.
Miss and love you,
Amy (Fore) Stanfield
Keri, my momma heart aches for your momma heart! I have thought about you so much and all those first that you are enduring ... like the car rides and the spoons that are not being used ... the toys that you aren't tripping over. Maybe we can get together this week provided everyone is well (we've had a cold go through us all in the last month so I'm hoping we're in the clear for a bit.) I cannot believe an entire month has crawled by ... Praying for you both as you work through the after-moments as reality settles and also that you are gentle with yourselves as you sort out how to move forward keeping her forever in your hearts even while they ache, mend and love deeper.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Valerie