Our hearts are desperately heavy and broken. Our beautiful, precious daughter died suddenly yesterday morning at St. Lukes in the ER. They tried for 45 minutes to bring her back, and there was just nothing. She had been lethargic and had a little bit of runny nose. She checked out fine at the cardiologist on 9/13, although she had gained 15 oz in two weeks. Looking back, I think that was the start of this unhappy path. Right after that she was tired a lot--we attributed it to the cold. I too had a cold and was quite tired. We took her to the pediatrician on 9/19. Again no serious warning bells and checked out alright. Just a little swelling in her face and abdomen. Vivian is so tiny that a little swelling can actually disguise itself as "healthy." She enjoyed her bath daddy gave her and slept through the night. She babbled to daddy the next morning until he left to take Isaac to preschool. I gave her a sippy cup of water while she sat on the couch watching PBS kids and fixed her oatmeal and carried it to the table. Then I heard her cough, ran over, saw some blood and she passed in and out of consciousness in my arms. In a microsecond I thought we could get to the ER faster than an ambulance could get out to us. I grabbed Jaret and we left. Vivian was deteriorating as we were getting there. Her breathing so labored....she took her last breath and fell forward...I saw her in my rearview mirror as I waited for one car to pass and turned into the St. Lukes ER. I remember popping a curb, blaring the horn, and running in with her as I yelled to someone to be with Jaret. I yelled her heart condition and hep B carrier and recent surgery. They tried so hard for 45 minutes and could not get heart activity.
We are totally in shock, denial, devastated, you name it. We had the boys there to say goodbye, and we held our baby for 5 hours before we could summon the strength to leave. Ken's folks took the boys to their house earlier. Ken and I followed each other home in our vehicles. We just unpacked everything we had packed on our vacation which we were planning to leave at noon. The company graciously returned our money.
We'll stay home from our trip, but Vivian took the best trip ever...home to Jesus in heaven.
Now we know she is healed fully and can finally be the happy skipping toddler. I hope she found and met her Grandma Donna and Great Grandma Eleanor (my mom and her mom).
Love,
Keri and Ken
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:4-5
my heart breaks as i read this post....may God give you understand and peace during the days to come
ReplyDeleteandrea
a mother of a heart baby from china
We are so sorry for your loss. Dave, Lin, and I remember meeting you and beautiful Vivian in Guangzhou. Your family will be in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteDave, Lisa, Lin, and Ruby Drzick
I am so, so, so very sorry. I sent you a private email. Jenny Groothius sent me a private message and asked me to contact you since we, too, have an adopted heart princess who now lives with Jesus. We are praying for all of you. Our blog is www.AllArePreciousInHisSight.blogspot.com and the site in memory of our daughter is BossYourHeart.com. I'm here, night and day, if you ever want to talk or if you ever need anything.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you guys!!!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness-the words just fail me ... You all loved her SO deeply! Thank you for showing her Love and her family and her way home to Jesus who is holding her right now. Her heart is completely healed now even though yours is broken into a million pieces. God will help you endure.
I will call you, I talked to Jarret the first time. (He so grown up sounding!)
Hugs and Tears,
Valerie
Keri - I have no words but only tears. A more wanted, loved, and blessed little girl there could not be. Praying for you - that God's mighty hand would hold you up as you grieve this precious angel who is now with him. I love your picture of her running and skipping - she is!! Kerstin
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for this deep loss. Our family will be praying for each of you during this time of grief and finding a new "normal".
ReplyDeleteMuch love!
Lisa
Hi. My name is Jen and I found your site through Lorraine's blog. I am truly, truly sorry for your loss. Your family is in our prayers. Thank you for everything you did for your incredible daughter.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless You.
Love, Jen
We are so sorry to hear about your loss. We will keep your family in our prayers and pray that God help you through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteJack, Melissa and Jai Scully
I am so terribly sorry for what you have gone through & lost in your beautiful daughter. I cannot begin to imagine. I am praying for you, Jesus is with you & she is with Him.
ReplyDeleteOh Ken and Keri;
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you. Loss can bring strangers from all parts of the world together... it is a 'club' that no one wishes to be part of. Your little princess is clearly loved by you, your family (clear in the reading of your posts) and by our God in Heaven. I am praying for your comfort as you live your life while Vivian is dancing with Jesus. "His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 Praying for the day in which we all experience that unspeakable joy together in the presence of our Lord.
I am very sorry to hear about what happened to your sweet Vivian. I cannot begin to know how you feel, but I can pray for your family. May He help you through this terrible time of loss.
ReplyDeletePraying for your family. She is being welcomes by our Kayla girl.
ReplyDeleteBrooke
www.TheAnnessaFamily.blogspot.com
Oh my - Our family, too, has traveled the road you are on right now. Our sweet Tanner passed away when he was eight. I also know God's faithfulness and comfort at such a time. Only He can make these crooked places straight. Allow yourself to cry each tear, to moan each agonizing moan, to cry out to God. He loves you so much and is holding you through each moment. It's been 14 years since Tanner first danced in the presence of our Lord. I promise you will laugh again. Our family is honored to pray for your family.
ReplyDeleteOh I am so sorry. There truly are no words. Praying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteHuman words seem so empty at a time like this, but God's promises are not! Praising him for giving you the blessing of sweet little Vivian, even if only for a short time. You showed her his love and now she is knows it fully. Hold tight to him and may you be comforted. Praying!
ReplyDeleteAnne B.
I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet daughter and sister, Vivian. We have prayed for your family much in the last months since her surgery and I followed your blog. We will continue to uplift you in the empty days ahead. Dianne Schemper
ReplyDeletei am very sorry that you walk this road... may you feel Him like never before.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family in West Virginia. My heart breaks for you and your boys!
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with your family as you try to face life without your precious Vivian. We have two heart girls from China and I can hardly grasp the pain you are suffering. Praying for comfort for your family, and perfect peace that Vivians struggle is over and that she had a family to love her. Deborah Sorensen
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for your loss. You don't know me, I read about your story on Lorraine's blog. Please know that we are lifting up your family in prayer. May you feel God's loving arms wrapped tight around you and holding you up during this very difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry,we are praying for you.
ReplyDeletePraying for your family at this tragic time. May God comfort and sustain you!
ReplyDeleteMelanie
www.findingbabyhansen.blogspot.com
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter! I was referred to your blog from another blog I read. Just wanted to tell you that I will be lifting your precious family up to the Father to comfort you during this difficult time!
ReplyDelete"Yea though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me...." Pslam 23:4.
-Debbie Russell Lancaster, SC
Keri, Ken, Jaret & Isaac,
ReplyDeleteThe amount of heartache we all feel as a family for you is tremendous. Vivian was blessed to have a caring family and devoted adoptive parents. Take comfort in knowing you did EVERYTHING you could for her. Not many would have taken on what you have in the past year. Sweet Vivian and her terrific smile will always hold a special place in our family. Mom has met her grandchild and Great-Grandma McCracken too. We love you and are here for you. May God watch over you and Vivian and the rest of our family with grace and healing.
With love,
Dave
Precious family,
ReplyDeletePlease know that our hearts are heavy with sadness at the loss of your China princess. We wish you much comfort as you find a sanctuary of peace.
May God wrap you in His love,
The Whaleys
Ken, Keri and family -
ReplyDeleteThere are many who hold you in our thoughts and prayers with this incredible loss. It's evident that Vivian will be watching over you now, and ever so appreciative of the love of a family that you gave her before her journey to Jesus.
- Brad & Brittany
I am so sorry. I don't know what its like to have children or to have a child not with you every minute. But I know our Great Lord has a PLAN. His PLAN, is the perfect one. It doesn't make sence how it could possibly be perfect. How this could be for the best in God's eyes. But it's His plan. Which is the best plan. Someone who I know, had a precious girl who went with Jesus at age 4. But through all of it, after time, you could see what PLAN of God's had been in action from day one. People coming to Christ, being touched with compassion for orphans, compassionate to others. God's got the WHOLE world in the palm of His hand, and everything being held by God, is perfect.
ReplyDeleteLove and Blessings,
Rachel
I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for your family.
ReplyDeletePraying for your family. So very sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your precious princess. I can't imagine your pain and loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteAnnie D
Words are a poor substitute at a time like this to convey how this news hits like a ton of bricks. Great sorrow for you as you reel in the numbness of grief. One of my first thoughts - there but for the grace of God go I.
ReplyDeleteHowever, know that the great Comforter will be by you each step of the way, as you come to grips with this most heartbreaking event.
The adoptive community mourns your loss as well.
I've been trying to think of something to say but there really are no words. You've been in my thoughts all week, which made me remember your mom. I have a distinct memory of her voice; her laugh. I can imagine her welcoming her granddaughter with open arms.
ReplyDeleteReading on your blog the sacrifices you made to care for Vivian, there is no doubt she died knowing how much you love her.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find some comfort with family and friends.
Love, your friend always,
Amy Kile
Another adoptive mama who received your link from another. I'm so sorry to read of the loss of your special girl. Prayers for your family...that He keeps you all close and reminds you daily that she is with Him now and that she knew love and family because of yours.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I wish words would help. Just so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteLeslie (also Momma to 3 from China with CHD)
I too am a momma to a heart little girl and I can't imagine your pain. I am praying our God will comfort and hold you in the days and nights ahead until you meet again.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss. My heart just aches for your family. My youngest daughter is also a heart baby. Praying for your family that God would comfort you as only He can!
ReplyDeleteIn His love
Leslie